that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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