the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
