I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
