Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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