Plan B is the new Plan A
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
