ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
