Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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