this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
