So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
