All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
