so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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