Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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