Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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