Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
