I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
