why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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