sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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