Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
