I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
