haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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