Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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