You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
