went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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