He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
