my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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