so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
