he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
