I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
