There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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