I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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