im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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