I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
