So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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