dude i'm inner monologue high
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
