Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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