margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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