ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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