I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
