I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
