I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
40s are totally the cure
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
