I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
