new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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