Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
love makes seman taste better
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
