Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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