gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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