I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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