whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
