3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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