thus making me awesome and them whores
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
