I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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