1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm passing your future prison.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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