I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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