she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize