Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
