Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
