last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
