If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
