Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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