thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
